The perfect shell. After days of searching, the little hermit crab had found himself the perfect shell. It was sitting on the bed of the beach, shiny and uninhabited. He squished himself out of his rusty old home and dragged his fat body across the white sand. Legs gripped the edges of the new shell. He thrusted himself inside. It would take some breaking in, but it was good. Home sweet home.
SQUELCH. A hand came hurdling down and the tiny crustacean was no more. Nick lifted his hand from the ground, looking at the gore stuck on his left palm. The shell had torn into his hand, but it was camouflaged in with the other fresh wounds. Sand caked onto the blood from both palms.
“Hyper...don't...” Nick gasped into the beach.
“Sorry, Nick. It's the only way.” Hyper grabbed the shoulders of a second person, someone with a black bag over their head. He kicked his back like a crack of thunder and sent him onto the ground too.
“MMMFF! MMMHMFMHMF!” Bag head said.
“Shut the fuck up.” Hyper said.
“This isn't going to work!” Nick said.
Hyper looked into the distance. It was dark, but the enormous fire coming from the sea acted as a night light for the entire beach. Shadowy figures were running towards them, making faint screams into the sky.
“Trust me.” Hyper said. He put his hands on his head and got on his knees. “Just trust me, kid.”
“Mff mrr mm fmm.”
Nick pushed himself up to his knees and put his hands on his head. The crab guts mixed in with his hair, but he barely noticed. Nick swallowed hard. He could hear the footsteps of their pursuers now. They got louder and louder.
“YO, HOL UP! HOL UP!” The lead man said. “They just sittin there. Like a bunch of fuckin idiots.”
The group crowded in front of the three kneeling on the beach. Nick scanned them all. Their rough faces and menacing grins weren't very reassuring.
“The fuck is this? You surrendering?” The lead man grabbed Hyper by the hair and jerked him around. Hyper's blank, angry expression didn't change. “I don't fuckin believe it, man. Little niggas just gave up?”
“Stand down, Ginga.” An iron heavy deep voice erupted from the ground. The lead man let go of Hyper's hair and looked behind him with widened eyes. A hulking, 7-foot massive black man emerged from the crew. His biceps were the size of boulders and he had eye patches covering both his eyes.
“Sure thing, Eazy. They all yours, boss!” Ginga stepped to the side and gestured to the three on the ground like a waiter presenting dinner.
Eazy took a step forward. The entire ground shook. He reached out and placed his hand over Nick's face. His entire hand covered every inch of Nick's head.
“Mmm. Yeah, yeah. I like the feel of this one. Oh yeah.” Eazy said. He let go, and Nick gasped for air.
He stepped over to Hyper, rumbling the entire ground. Hyper winced as the big black man's hand hugged his face.
“Eh. Could use some work. But it's doable.” Eazy said.
He pulled his hand away from Hyper. Hyper tried to bite a finger, but got a mouth full of air. Eazy ignored this and shifted to the man with the bag over his head. He smacked a hand onto his head.
“Hmm. Hmmm. This one...it can't be...” Eazy placed a second hand on the bag man's head and rubbed around like a mad man. He stopped, and smiled to himself. “This is no soldier.”
With one fluid motion, he tore the bag off of the man's head, revealing his face to the crowd. The gang was filled with gasps and whispers.
“No way! Un-fuckin-believable! It has to be an impostor!” Ginga said.
“It's no impostor, son. We just hit the god damn jackpot.” Eazy said. “Boys, say hello to our ticket to all the gold in the world, our new hostage...President James Wade.”
The merry crew roared with the sound of laughter and cheers. Jamez kept a stern, yet defeated look on his face. Nick's lip trembled and he turned to Hyper. Hyper just growled under his breath at Eazy.
“I don't like the looks of this, fellas.” James said through the corner of his mouth.
*****
One hour ago. Nick slammed a card on the table so hard, the water glasses nearly jumped off.
“Draw four.” Nick said. “And, uh, I win?”
Izzy looked up from his massive hand of cards. He sighed, then placed them all down gently.
“Fourth win in a row, heh. Just keep tearing my shit up, Nick.” Izzy said. “Hey, Hyper, why don't you join? Even the odds a bit here.”
Hyper stood across the room from their tiny table in the corner. He was staring out the window, into the deep sea. Fish wiggled past the glass every so often.
“No? Just going to stand there silently like an edgy badass? Excellent.” Izzy said. “Well, Nick, how about mixing up the game? A little Chinese checkers? Mouse trap? Monopoly?”
“No, we've already played those games a million times. Besides, Hyper broke the Monopoly board over his knee last week.” Nick said.
“Oh yeah, forgot about that. Shouldn't have landed on Boardwalk, I don't know.” Izzy shrugged.
Nick bowed his head in silence, avoiding eye contact with either teammate. For a moment, the only noise in the room were the sounds of the footsteps above them. The ship rocked back and forth, creating a smooth rhythm of motion.
“Let's see here...” Izzy pulled up the bag of games and set it on his lap. He rummaged through, tossing boxes onto the floor. “Oh, here we go. Hyper, you up for some Clue?”
Izzy held up the box to Hyper, smiling from ear to ear. Hyper punched the wall.
“I don't want to play any damn games, Izzy.” Hyper said. “All the other teams are on deck, contributing, and they stuck us down here.”
“Well, we're the rookies. We'll get up there eventually. Until then, I call Professor Plum.” Izzy said.
“They could give us a chance to prove ourselves. Just give us SOMETHING.” Hyper said.
“They gave us Clue, friend.” Izzy said.
Hyper marched over to the table, yanked the Clue box from Izzy's hands and held it over his head.
“NO, HYPER, NOO!” Izzy screamed. But it was too late. Hyper broke the box over his knee and threw the pieces to the side. He walked back over to the window and plopped his forehead onto the glass. “Aw, man. Well, we still have Parcheesi. Hey, Hyper, you wanna play Par-”
Hyper grabbed the game bag out of Izzy's hands and slammed it onto the ground. He continued swinging it onto the ground, obliterating the fun games for all ages, while Izzy watched with his face twisted into a state of horror. Hyper dumped out the ashes of the board games, and tossed the empty bag onto Izzy's lap.
“Well then.” Izzy said. “I guess I'll just go into the corner and fap again.”
“Can you at least clean up afterwards this time? That corner smells like aggression and shame.” Hyper said.
“No, Hyper. My cum corner is all I have left.” Izzy took the bag and walked to the corner. “I'm using this, by the way.”
“I'm not sticking around for this.” Hyper said. He walked across the room and pushed the door open, exiting.
“Hyper, wait! You can't...” Nick shook his head and ran out the room following Hyper down the hallway. He grabbed Hyper's arm. “We're under orders not to leave.”
“HEY!” Hyper pulled his arm away. “What did I say about touching? I don't want to catch...whatever you have.”
“Sorry.” Nick said. “But I don't want you to get in trouble.”
“I won't.” Hyper said. “I'm just going to talk to the Captain. You can come with me or you can circlejerk with Izzy.”
Hyper started up the metal stairs, each step echoing throughout the halls downstairs. Nick turned around, then turned back to Hyper, and started up on the stairs.
*****
“No.” Captain AJ said.
“Why. The hell. Not.” Hyper said.
Hyper was leaning on the rails of the ship, the Captain was smoking a cigarette next to him. They were in a private shady area away from most of the commotion. The sun was setting on the sea, reflecting a beautiful orange light across all they could see before them. Nick had walked further down the deck out of earshot from them, observing the different officers on the ship.
“She's gorgeous, isn't she? My sea.” Captain AJ said.
“Answer.” Hyper said.
“We've been over this. You stick with the team you're assigned to.” Captain AJ said.
“You recruited me because you said I had potential to be a great assassin. And you stuck me in the basement with Izzy the idiot and Nick...the freak.” Hyper said.
“And you'd still be stuck in a jail cell if it wasn't for me. If you don't want to be apart of the team, I'm more than willing to send you back there once we get back to the States.” Captain AJ said. “Look, Hyper, you do have a lot of potential, but everyone has to start somewhere. And you're on a pretty good team. You'll be moving up in no time, just have patience. Trust me. Just trust me, kid.”
“Whatever.” Hyper sighed.
“Hey, you wanna see something cool?” Captain AJ said. He pointed towards a blurry green land in the distance. Hyper hadn't even noticed it come into view. “That's NR.”
“Really??” Hyper said, leaning on the bars for a closer view.
“Yup. Our normal route has a huge hurricane ripping through it right now, so we got special clearance to go through NR's waters to avoid it.” Captain AJ said. “This is probably the closest either of us will ever be to NR in our entire lives.”
“Does their government know?” Hyper asked. Captain AJ pulled him back, he was leaning so far forward he was about to go overboard.
“What government?” Captain AJ chuckled. He flicked his cigarette into the water. “C'mon, buddy, let's get something from the mess hall. HEY, NICK!”
Captain AJ whistled and caught the shorter boy's attention. He scurried back over to the Captain and Hyper and saluted.
“Yes, sir!” Nick said.
“At ease, soldier.” Captain AJ said. “We're gonna get something to eat. Is Izzy hungry?”
“He is currently jacking off, sir!” Nick said.
“Well, alrighty then.” Captain AJ said. “Guess it's just us three. What are you guys in the mood for? I think it's Salisbury steak tonight.”
Suddenly another soldier ran up to Captain AJ. He stopped and stood up straight next to Nick, saluting as well.
“Officer Flarey.” Captain AJ said. “What's happening?”
“Sir! We're having an issue with the, uh, package, sir!” Flarey said. He had smashed meat stuck to the side of his face. “He doesn't approve of the meal tonight. Uh, the package, I mean!”
Captain AJ stuck a finger and slipped some of the meat off, placing it into his mouth.
“Yup, it's definitely Salisbury steak tonight.” Captain AJ said. “Tell the...package, I'll bring a salad or something.”
“Sir, yes, sir!” Flarey sprinted off.
“Hey, what gives? There's a package on this ship? And we're feeding it?” Hyper said.
“Sorry, boys, it's classified. You have to be rank 10 or above for this information.” Captain AJ said. “Now, hurry, I wanna get there before Corporal Cameron eats everything.”
*****
Nick pushed his steel knife back and forth, trying to slice through the soggy, gravy meat. However, even with the power of the sharp utensil, he could barely leave a scratch on it. He sighed, put the knife aside, and set his hands on his lap.
The others were conversating. Captain AJ and Hyper sat next to each other, Corporal Cameron was seated next to Nick, shoveling away. Nick peered across the rest of the room. All the soldiers were loud, practically yelling to each other, chewing with their mouths open and pounding on the tables. Time seemed to slow down, watching everyone else.
Nick heard Captain AJ say his name in the web of other voices. He snapped back to the others to see everyone looking at him.
“What did you say, sir?” Nick said.
“I said...” Captain AJ repeated. “Steak's tough, isn't it?”
“Oh! Uh, yes, sir, yes it is!” Nick let out a small breathy laugh.
“Not too tough for me!” Cameron shoved a whole piece of steak into his mouth.
“That's because you're the human wood chipper.” Captain AJ smiled. “So, Nick, I've heard a lot of feedback from Hyper. What are your thoughts on the new position?”
“It's an honor to serve in the United Wade States military, sir!” Nick said.
“Good to hear.” Captain AJ said. He picked up his tray and stood up. “Well, I have some things to take care of. Keep up the good work, guys. Cameron, don't choke.”
“Sir!” Nick saluted him goodbye.
“Later.” Hyper said over his shoulder. He took a long gulp of his water as Captain AJ walked away. Nick looked back at his steak and nudged it with his fork.
“So...” Cameron said. “You guys part of the same team or?”
“Yeah.” Hyper didn't look up from his tray either.
“Oh, that's cool. Cool, cool, cool.” Cameron said. He pointed to Nick's steak. “You gonna eat that?”
Nick pushed his tray towards Cameron. He grabbed the meat with his bare hand and squished it between his fingers. Then, he dropped it into his deep abysmal hole for a mouth. Chunks flew onto Nick's cheek as his teeth mashed it.
Nick looked towards Hyper. Hyper looked away. It was dark outside now and the lighting in the cafeteria was dim. People were clearing out now, trays with half eaten food were on empty tables. Nick looked back at Cameron. He'd probably eat all the leftovers before he left.
Suddenly, Nick's ear twitched. Nick perked up and his eyes widened. Hyper noticed Nick's face and put his glass down.
“Duck!” Nick said. He pushed out his chair and fell under the table.
“EVERYONE, GET DOWN!” Hyper yelled. He kicked off his seat and slammed to the floor next to Nick.
“Eh? You guys okay?” Cameron said. The other dozen people in the cafeteria looked at the two rookies on the filthy tiled flooring.
“GET ON THE FLOOR, RIGHT N-” Hyper's scream was cut off by the blaring barrage of gunfire.
Bullets ripped through the windows of the cafeteria, like a hail storm of death. Nick pressed his hands against his ears and shut his eyes tight. Hyper kept his hands over his head. The table rumbled back and forth over them. It seemed to go on for hours, but it was only about five seconds in real time. Everything went silent for a moment after the gunfire stopped. Then the alarms came on.
Nick took his hands off his ears, his entire body trembling. He placed his palms onto the ground. His hands touched a puddle, but he couldn't tell if it was gravy or blood. His ears were ringing. The once joyous cafeteria was now full of bullet holes and red running down the walls and floor. Nick's eyes starting watering up.
“Don't fucking cry!” Hyper said. “We have to get to AJ!”
“No, no, no, no! We're not trained for this, we have to stay where it's safe!” Nick said.
“If you want to stay and be useless, fine by me.” Hyper said. “You'll only slow me down anyways.”
Hyper crawled out from under the table, and peeked up like a meerkat. The entire front wall of the cafeteria had been torn open from the bullets. Soldiers lined up against the railing of the ship with rifles pointed forward. Neon red lights were flashing against them from the alarms. Hyper could see it, the blackened figure bobbing up and down in the distant waters.
Hyper bolted out of the cafeteria. Nick stayed under the table, sniffling. And then – PLOP. Cameron's entire body fell sideways off his chair, like a blob. His entire body was drenched in blood, and his face had become so mangled from the bullets it was unrecognizable now. His eyes had been blown to shit, teeth were missing out of his mouth, and holes covered his face like Swiss cheese. Nick gagged. He was glad he didn't eat anything now.
Nick slowly inched out from under the table. He stood up and stepped outside. The deck didn't look much better than the cafeteria. Soldiers were blown in half, trying to collect their intestines. Some had jumped into the ocean, and were yelling for others to pull them back up. The healthy ones were firing returning shots at the enemy ship, which was getting closer and closer.
“No...” Nick said. He turned and found Hyper, breaking into the Captain's office. “HYPER!”
Nick started towards Hyper, nearly slipping on the blood. Men on the ground grabbed at Nick's pant legs, begging for help.
“I'm not a medic! I'm sorry! I'm so...” A few pops went off, bullets were flying back towards them again. Not as rapidly as before, these seemed to be from just a few enemies. The ship wasn't that far now, Nick could see their faces. They looked sick.
Nick ducked his head down, and ran to the Captain's office, sliding through the doorway. As he entered, a gun barrel pressed against his nose.
“Nick.” Captain AJ said, finger on the trigger. “You scared me.”
He put the gun down. The inside of the Captain's office was much bigger than it had looked on the outside. Gunfire had ripped through this room as well, destroying the desk and chairs inside. Hyper stood next to AJ, arms crossed. A few soldiers were scattered across the floor, eyes wide open but lifeless. One of them was Flarey, with six shots in his chest. Underneath Flarey was another body. But this one was moving.
“Oh, goodness gracious.” He said, struggling. “Can I get a hand, fellas?”
“That voice...” Nick said.
“That's right.” Hyper said, kicking Flarey's corpse over. A man in a suit laid there, like a turtle on its back. He smiled with perfect white teeth. “Wade. The 'package'.”
“S-sir!” Nick saluted. He reached down and helped the President up. “What an honor! But under...such terrible conditions...!”
“Always a pleasure to meet the boys fighting for our freedom! Even when were surrounded in a complete gory hell!” James said. “Awful brave of that Flarey fella to jump in the line of fire!”
“They're invading our ship!” A voice screamed out. Nick's body stiffened. Hyper tightened his fists.
“Here's the deal, and I'll be quick.” Captain AJ turned to Hyper. “The enemy cannot know that the President is on the ship. Our turrets have been destroyed, so there's no chance of us sinking them. This is going to be a bloody battle. So you want a real job?”
“Got it.” Hyper smirked. “We're on the front lines.”
“No, you'll die.” Captain AJ said. “Get the President to the basement and hide him, while we fight these guys off. And if it comes to it, protect the President's life by any means possible.”
“WHAT? Are you FUCKING kidding me?!” Hyper said.
“Yes, si-” Nick said.
“They're on deck! They're-” BAM BAM BAM. Gun shots rang out. Screams filled the air.
“Gee. Sounds like we should skedaddle.” James said.
“Just do it, Hyper! I NEED this.” Captain AJ said. Hyper sighed, then nodded. “Good. Now boys, one last thing: if anything goes wrong, do NOT go onto NR land. Got it?”
“Crystal clear, sir!” Nick said.
“Get to the basement, I'll cover you!” Captain AJ said.
Captain AJ ran out of the office, firing his hand gun into the crowd. Hyper ran out past him, Nick followed closely behind, ducking James down behind him. The deck was filled with fighting, corpses from both sides littered the ground. Hyper directed Nick to the staircase leading to the basement. All three shuffled down there as quickly as possible. They nearly broke the door to their room running through it.
“Oh, hey guys.” Izzy said, feet kicked up on the table. “Are they throwing a party up there or what? Hey, is that the President?”
“Izzy, the ship is under attack.” Nick said, he ran and grabbed the black bag out of the corner. “Mr. President, sir, put this on to conceal your identity!”
Nick put the bag over James' head. James lifted it a bit over his mouth to talk.
“Smells like fish in here.” James said.
“Oh yeah, I just came in that.” Izzy said.
“Well, that's just grand.” James said. “Names and ranks, all of you.”
“Well, sir,” Nick said. “We're all on the same squad. I'm Nick, a rank 1 Intel officer. The man standing by the window is Hyper, a rank 1 assassin. And this is Izzy, our rank 1 medic. Though he's more than just a medic, he's quite impress-”
“So, you're all rookies.” James said.
“W-well. Yes.” Nick said.
“Well, gee, that's just...just great!” James smiled. “Glad you boys are getting some valuable experience!”
“Boys? You're like our age.” Izzy said.
Hyper paced back and forth across the room, practically stomping. Both of his knives were out. He could hear every shot, every stab, every single bone crack coming from upstairs. Violent thoughts were racing through his head. He stopped at the window and looked outside. It helped drown out the voices of the others in the room.
Fish were swimming by the window again, though there were much more of them now. They were bunched up into a rainbow horde. He recognized some of the famous ones. Mainly the clown fish. He pressed his face against the glass. It was cold against his skin.
Hyper squinted his eyes as something new came into view. He couldn't quite tell what it was at first, but it wasn't a fish. It seemed blurry, but as he focused he could see. It was a human hand, floating down from above. The hair followed shortly after, dancing in the water. Hyper pressed his hands against the wall as the face came into view. His mouth fell open. It was Captain AJ. Eyes wide open, with bubbles floating out of his mouth. He sank below the window, a gaping hole was through his stomach, leaking red into his sea.
“NOOOOO!” Hyper punched the window. The glass was fine, but Hyper felt the pain in his fist.
“What's going on?” Nick asked.
“This ship is fucked. And we're getting off. Right fucking now.” Hyper said.