Fear in ILA

I had remembered a long time ago when I was a child and my father had tried to explain to me about life.
"Izzy," He said. "In your life, you are going to find out that no matter what you do, somebody will always hate you."
"Why Dad? Because each personality is different and two personalities will always conflict with eachother?" I asked.
"No, because after you were born my fucking life went down hill. Now go make dinner you fucking dick." My Father said.
My name was Izzy Zenku. I had a rough early life. To start things off, my mother died when I was 2. I never knew her, and I really have nothing to remember her by. I was raised by my father, Chopstix. He was always drunk, and as you can imagine he hated me. When I was 5, my father remarried to a woman named Snakepit. That was when I met my stepbrother, Hyper. Hyper was a year younger than me, but I quickly learned that he was smarter than me. Despite this, we still became very close.
Unfortuantly for Hyper, Snakepit left Hyper behind when she left my father. It turns out Snakepit was only after the greencard, and while she was at it why not dump the kid? My father became even more angry and would beat the shit out of me and Hyper dailey.
Sometimes my Uncle N_Gamer would drop by and I always loved his visits because that meant my cousin MUDD would come over. MUDD and I got along great, even better than me and Hyper. I hated whenever they had to leave.
As Hyper and I grew older we learned we could use our stengths to avoid my father. Since Hyper was smart, he always found the best hiding places or think of the best ideas to get get out of a beating. I, however, had to outrun my father. But if he did catch me, I'd have to try and defend myself in some way. By the time I was 14, my father had given up on trying to beat me at all, because I had actually become so expirienced that I could counter him, dodge him, or he just couldn't even catch me at all. The opposite happened to Hyper. As he got older, he got bigger and his hiding spots didn't work anymore. So my father often took out the frustration of not being able to beat me, by beating him.
But when I turned 18, and my Uncle came to visit me, everything changed.
We were living in an old beaten house on a farm with dead crops and no animals.
My Uncle N_Gamer knocked on the door and I answered it.
"Oh, hi N_Gamer." I said.
"Happy birthday, Izzy!" He said. "You're 18 now!"
"Yeah. MUDD didn't come?" I asked.
"No, he's taking care of some other business, but he told me to tell you happy birthday." N_Gamer said.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE" Chopstix said smashing a beer bottle on the wall.
"It's Izzy's birthday Chopstix..." N_Gamer said.
"DON'T REMIND ME" Chopstix said. "THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. NOW GET OUT BEFORE I BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU"
"Um" N_Gamer said. "Where the fuck are your pants?"
"I ATE THEM, NOW LEAVE" Chopstix said.
"Okay, well here's your gift Izzy." N_Gamer said.
He handed me a wrapped present.
"And this is for IZZY, Chopstix." N-Gamer said.
"Yeah sure whatever..just leeeeeeeeeee-" Chopstix passed out.
"....Wow." N_Gamer said. "Well, I'm out of here, Izzy. And I meant what I said. Don't let your father take your present away from you okay? It's for your future."
"Okay." I said.
I thought it was money, but it was wrapped in a box. I don't think anyone puts money in a box and wraps it. Maybe it was golden bars? Nah, N_Gamer wasn't that rich.
I went upstairs to me and Hyper's room.
"Did Chopstix already pass out for the night?" Hyper said.
"Yes." I said.
"Thank god." Hyper said. "What's the present?"
"I'm not sure." I said.
I put the present to the side.
"So when are you moving out?" Hyper said.
"What?" I said.
"Well, you're 18 now. You can escape this hell hole." Hyper said.
"Yeah but I have no money or anything. I really have to stay here until I get some money." I said.
"But Chopstix won't let you get a job." Hyper said.
It's true, he wouldn't let either of us get a job. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe because he didn't want us to have any independance.
"I know, I'm gonna find a way. Maybe I'll go live with N_Gamer." I said.
"Hm, maybe. Have you ever even been to his house?" Hyper said.
"...Now that I think about it...no." I said. "But that's probably because of Dad."
"So after you leave what am I supposed to do? Get beat here for another year?" Hyper said.
"Well...yeah, I mean what am I supposed to do?" I said.
"HELP ME." Hyper said. "FOR GOD'S SAKE THIS ISN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE MY LIFE. I SHOULD BE WITH MY MOM OR MY REAL DAD."
"Sorry." I said.
There wasn't really much to say. Hyper tried to ignore the fact that his family left him, but when he did talk about it I didn't really know what to do.
"Well, I'll go out into the forrest and see what I can find to eat." Hyper said.
He walked out of the room.
I decided to open my present. I picked it up. it was pretty heavy.
I unwrapped it, to see a big metal box. I searched around for a button, but saw nothing except a tiny slot.
"Wow." I said. "Is this some kind of joke?"
I tossed the metal box on the floor.
I walked out of my room to join Hyper to get something to eat.
When I got outside, I was surprised to see N_Gamer still there.
"N_Gamer?" I said.
"Hm?" He said. "You get my gift?"
"That stupid metal box? What is it?" I said.
"Stupid metal-ooh." N_Gamer said. "I forgot to give you this."
N_Gamer handed me a key.
"You're father rushed me out so I must have forgotten it. Sorry." He said.
He got into his car.
"Wait, why were you still here?" I asked.
"Ehh, I was about to leave and I heard Hyper." N_Gamer said. "I waited for him to come out so I could talk to him."
"Oh. Yeah I feel sorry for him." I said.
"Hey, Izzy. Things are going to get better real soon. I promise." N_Gamer said.
He drove away.
I walked back up to my room.
"Hope this thing works now." I said.
I put the key into the slot.
The metal box started glowing and I dropped it. Did I activate a bomb?
The metal box began transforming.
I closed my eyes.
"Hell-o." I heard.
I opened my eyes.
A floating robot was right in front of me.
"What the-what the hell?" I said.
"My name is Sha-co." It said.
"Shaco? Are you here to beat up my father?" I said.
"...Uh, no." Shaco said. "Just watch this."
Shaco's face turned into a TV screen and N_Gamer appeared on the screen.
"What...the..?" I said.
"Hello Izzy." N_Gamer said. "You are probably very surprised right now so I will tell you what is going on."
"N_Gamer?" I said.
"This is a recorded message, so please save your breath." N_Gamer said. "Well, for a while now we have been watching you and you have really proven yourself. Izzy, I am personally inviting you to become apart of the ILA. ILA stands for International League of Assassins."
"Assassins?" I said. "I can't be an assassin I'm just some random fat kid!"
"I know what you're thinking." N_Gamer said. "You can't be an assassin because you are too damn fat. Well, you seem to be able to beat up your father, and he was one of the best. You see, Izzy, it's a family business. I am an assassin, your father was, your mother was, even MUDD is now! I would have contacted you sooner but the law says you must be atleast 18. That day has finally come."
"Oh my god." I said. "My father was right...if you jack off in the shower YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE."
"Izzy, this is your personal Floatbot. I know it's a gay name but I did not come up with it. His name is Shaco. I also did not come up with that piece of shit name. With him, you can communicate with anyone else who has a floatbot and he can also hack computers for you. He is a useful tool."
"Wow neato!" I said.
"After this message is over, you will recieve three things: Your first gun, your first knife, and a keycard allowing access to our secret base. If you look outside you'll see another gift outside. When you get outside, Shaco will know what to do. Good luck and I'll see you soon." And with that The screen closed and Shaco was looking at me once again.
Shaco handed me the three things N_Gamer said I would get.
I walked downstairs to get my next gift. I saw my father lying on the floor. I thought about shooting him but decided not to.
I went outside. Right outside was N_Gamer's car.
Shaco flew out in front of me and opened the door. I got inside.
Inside the car was a tv. Shaco turned it on for me.
"Thank you Shaco." I said.
"Go f-uck your-self" Shaco said.
"What?" I said.
"I got stu-ck with a dumb-ass rookie who let his der-unk father beat him up." Shaco said. "I am pi-ssed."
"Well geez sorry." I said.
"Hello, Izzy." N_Gamer said.
He was on the TV screen.
I waited for his next words.
"...this isn't a recorded message, Izzy." N_Gamer said.
"Ye-ah dumbass" Shaco said.
"Oh..sorry" I said.
"Izzy, in about 30 seconds you will be at our base. Are you ready?" N_Gamer said.
"Yes." I said.
"Then push the big blue button right under this screen." N_Gamer said.
I pushed it.
The car started driving itself to the ILA Base. That was how I had become an assassin.

2 years later.


It was rookie graduating time for me. See, when you first come to ILA you must go through 2 years of training. For that 2 years you are just called Rook. My training years were complete, and I was moving to step two of becoming a full-time assassin at ILA. I was joining a team.
MUDD was also in training with me. He always seemed to do better than me, but I didn't care. It was just nice being away from home. But I still worried about Hyper. Was he dead? Was he starving? Was he thinking of buying NEEDLEMOUSE?? Okay, the last one I was just kidding, because no sane person would ever think of buying Needlemouse.
But enough about gay furrys, I was finally going to be accepted by the older assassins. Right?
At the graduation we were assigned our teams. Each team had a floatbot and a leader. Of course my team was going to have Shaco but our leader...?
"Hey MUDD" I said. "What do you think our teams will be?"
"I already asked my father to assign me and you on a team with him as leader." MUDD said.
N_Gamer, MUDD's father, was one of the top assassins at ILA. He was second only to the great Assassin X who our trainers over the past 2 years never shut up about. They were like Topix talking about Drag.
"Alright! This is going to be awesome!" I said.
"Yeah but our brainiac is going to ruin all the fun." MUDD said.
By braniac he meant our technical guy. He searched stuff on the computer for us and built weapons. Each team had one of those too. The older Assassins complained at how annoying their old technical guy's were cause they always told you what to do. Kind of like Snakepit, except with a penis.
Finally, after 45 minutes of waiting, Rik took the stage. Rik was the President of ILA. He pretty much ran things. I had heard he had a partner once, but not anymore.
"Hello future assassins" Rik said. "You have finally completed boot camp, and now you are moving on to the next stage: Team training. You will be on teams for another 2 years, and then you will finall be able to be your own assassin."
People started clapping.
"Okay okay." Rik said. "It is my job, to annouce the teams. Before we begin, I will explain once more what each person does on the team. Assassin One: Assassin One is the rook who scored the highest on their final test out of the two assassins on the team. Assassin Two: Assassin Two scored lower on their bootcamp and it is up to them to learn from Assassin One and their leader. At the end of the 2 years, Assassin Two will have to take the bootcamp test again as well as the teamwork test.."
It had already seemed complicated to me and I hadn't even gotten my team yet. If me and MUDD were going to be on the same team, I wondered who would be assassin one and who would be two. Our final bootcamp scores were classified even to us. We only knew if we failed if they didn't let us sign up for stage 2.
"...the Technical Manager will build or create new weapons, run repairs on anything you have, and most importantly, will guide you through your mission. They communicate to you through your floatbot. Technical Managers are important to work with because they will be the only thing you will keep besides your floatbots when you complete the teamwork stage. In the past, we used expirience Technical Managers for the teams. But this year we called for all new Technical Managers to learn with thier teammates."
"So were getting rook brainiacs now? Aw man were gonna die" MUDD said.
"Floatbots: Floatbots are there to assist the assassins. This year we have a brand new device. From this very base, Tech Manager's can set a certain weapon in this box..."
Rik held up a blue box and put an apple in it. A floatbot flew over to him.
"...press the red button..." Rik said pressing the button.
Suddenly the apple dissapeared and an apple appeared into the floatbots hands.
People started clapping.
"So as you can see, our assassin's will be more advanced now. Assassin's also talk to the Tech Manager through the floatbot. Finally we have our leaders. These leaders are all expirienced A ranked assassins. Alot of leaded teams before, but some are brand new. And by some I mean 1. Only 1 guy is brand new to this." Rik said. "But they are all great assassin's and will do their best nonetheless. The leader's job is to help the young assassin's grow and learn. In the first year, the leader will go on missions with the assassins, but after that the leader's only job is to report the team to command on a daily basis. With that, let's get to the teams."
Everyone listened in anticipation now.
Rik went through many teams before he came to N_Gamer.
"Team 33..." Rik said. "Leader: N_Gamer.."
"Here we are, Izzy!!" MUDD said.
"Assassin One: Shido. Assassin Two: M1n1 Tech Manager: Meball." Rik said.
"....what." MUDD said.
"Were not with your dad?" I said.
"And finally." Rik said. "Our last team. Leader: Shadowdragon. Assassin One..."
Me and MUDD leaned forward in our seats.
"MUDD." Rik said.
"YES" MUDD said.
"Assassin Two: Izzy." Rik said.
I had to admit I was dissapointed, but what was I going to do? If he scored higher good for him.
"And Tech Manager: Hyper." Rik said.
"Hyper??" Me and MUDD said.
"A coincidence. No way it could be the real Hyper he's only 18." MUDD said.
"Right." I said.
"And let's give a hand for Shadowdragon. He just passed the test for an A ranked assassin recently and this is his first time leading a team ever!" Rik said.
Everyone clapped for Shadowdragon, who was apparently my leader.
"You may now get with your teams." Rik said walking off the stage. Everyone got up and looked around for their teams. The leaders held up signs with our team numbers. Some guy held up a sign saying Team 34.
"That's us Izzy..." MUDD said.
We walked over to him.
"Izzy and MUDD?" Shadowdragon said.
"How'd you know?" I said.
"Um, we learn our teams before you guys do." Shadowdragon said. "So..uh...were just waiting on that Hyper kid I guess."
N_Gamer walked over.
"Izzy, MUDD! How are you guys!" He said.
"Pissed." MUDD said. "Dad, you said we were gonna be on a team together. Who the fuck is this noob?"
"uh.." Shadowdragon said.
"Shadowdragon's not a noob. He's an A ranked assassin." N_Gamer said. "Besides, they wouldn't let me be your leader, since I'm your father, and Izzy and Hyper's uncle."
"Wait so Hyper really is here??" I said.
"Yes. The day of your birthday I asked him to join as a Tech Manager. Even though he was underage ILA let it slip because of his high level of intellegance."
Hyper finally showed up.
"Hyper!" I said.
"Hi guys!" Hyper said.
"How come I never saw you around?" I said.
"We go through different training than you guys, of course." Hyper said.
"Well, see you guys later. I have to meet my own team." N_Gamer said.
We all said bye and he left.
"Um...okay team I guess we should go to our station first." Shadowdragon said.
"Station?" I said.
"Well...each team has a station and stuff for their computer..." Shadowdragon said.
"Well let's go th-" MUDD said.
"OH LOOK" Some asian said.
We turned around.
"IT'S THE LOSER TEAM." He said.
"....Who the hell are you...." I said.
"THE NAME'S SHIDO. I'M AN ASSASSIN ONE." Shido said.
"...so am I..." MUDD said.
"YA WELL. MY TEAM IS FUCKING AWESOME UNLIKE YOUR STUPID TEAM. YOU GOT THE NOOB LEADER WHO'S LIKE 28." Shido said.
"Yeah. We know." I said.
"AND WHATS WITH THE BABY ON YOUR TEAM" Shido said.
"He's like 2 years younger than us." MUDD said.
"YA WELL CHECK IT. TEAM GET OVER HERE." Shido said.
One person came over.
"Meball, reporting for duty, sir!" Meball said.
"THIS IS MY BRO, MEBALL. HES OUR TECH" Shido said.
"Yeah and I got the highest score on our final test." Meball said. "Unlike that hick standing over there."
"But I almost got a higher score than you and I'm 2 years younger than you." Hyper said.
"So what?" Meball said. "I'm the next Jimmy Neutron."
"Um...where's your other team?" Shadowdragon said.
"YO WE THE BEST IN OUR TEAM WE DONT NEED THOSE OTHER LOSERS" Shido said.
"HELL YEAH" Meball said.
"WE GONNA TAKE THE I. L. A. BY S. T. O. ......R, M." Shido said.
"Yeah good luck with that." MUDD said.
"SO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN US?" Shido said.
"I didn't say anything." MUDD said.
"Sounds like a wiseguy right here Shido." Meball said.
"YO MEBALL I THINK UR RIGHT." Shido said.
"I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!" MUDD said.
"Meball, Shido, cut it out. We don't need you guys making more enemies." Another kid said.
I assumed he was in their group.
"YO, M1N1, THEY BE CALLING US OUT MAN." Shido said.
"Knowing you Shido, they probably said nothing and you're making a big deal out of it." M1n1 said.
"YES!" MUDD said.
"MMMMMMMAN WHATEVER M1N1 WE'LL SEE YOU PUNKS LATER PEACE. REMEMBER OUR TEAM NAME, THE FULL BARS." Shido said.
Shido and Meball walked away.
"Sorry about that." M1n1 said. "I'm M1n1, Assassain Two of the....Full Bars..."
"Hi...isn't my dad your leader?" MUDD said.
"N_Gamer? Yeah he is." M1n1 said.
a floatbot floated over to M1n1.
"M1n1" It said. "Your team is heading over to your station."
The floatbot had a girl voice which made me wonder if gender in robots was possible.
"Okay, Hiroko." M1n1 said. "Well, I'll probably bee seeing you guys later. Bye."
We all said bye.
"Speaking of floatbots...where's mine? Er-ours." I said.
Shaco floated over.
"We-ll isn't thi-s a-mazin-g." Shaco said. "I ha-ve an all noo-b team. F-uck my li-fe."
"Hey Shaco" I said. "Do floatbots have genders?"
"N-o you fuc-king idiot." Shaco said.
"Okay we should really be going now..." Shadowdragon said.
"Oh yeah..let's go guys." MUDD said.
--
We came to our station. It was beat up and unclean.
"Why's it so messy?" Hyper asked.
"Cau-se you gu-ys are fuc-king noo-bs!" Shaco said. "The-y don-t care about yo-u!"
"Hey shut up you gay robot" MUDD said.
"We'll just have to make the best of things here..." Shadowdragon said. "Hyper..uh..go ahead and boot up the computer I guess."
"In training the first thing they said I'd have to do is hook Shaco up to the computer for an hour." Hyper said.
Hyper picked up a wire.
"Cmere Shaco." Hyper said. "This isn't going to hurt I'm just going to stick it up your ass."
"You-re gonn-a do WHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAT?" Shaco said.
Shaco flew away from Hyper. Hyper started chasing Shaco.
Finally, I grabbed Shaco as he flew past me.
"HE-LP HELP" Shaco said. "RRRRRRR-APE"
Hyper shoved the wire into Shaco's port and Shaco shut down.
"Whats first, Shadow?" MUDD asked.
"Not sure..." Shadow said. "I guess we should get to know eachother?"
"But what about Shaco?" Hyper asked.
"I'm sure we all know Shaco by now." I said.
"Okay, so we're going to play the name game." Shadowdragon said. "I say my name first and something about myself. Then MUDD says his name and something about himself, plus he has to say my name and the thing I said about myself."
"WHAT IS THIS 5TH GRADE?" MUDD said.
"Let's do that just without the saying eachothers stuff part." Hyper said.
"..Fine." Shadow said. "Who wants to go first."
"Me!" MUDD said. "Uuuum-I'm MUDD I...WAIT THIS IS MY FAMILY THEY ALREADY KNOW ME."
"But I don't know you." Shadow said.
"...Gr." MUDD said. "I like cock. Fried cock. Grilled cock. The matter is, I love cock."
"...Do you mean chicken?" Hyper said.
"I KNOW WHAT I MEANT." MUDD said.
"Okay...me next." Hyper said. "I'm Hyper. I was abused for 13 years by some guy who isn't even my dad-"
"OOOOOKAY ME NEXT." I said. "I'm Izzy-"
"I already know you, Izzy." Shadow said. "Er-I-um-go on..."
"You already know-?" I said.
Someone knocked on our door.
"It's me!" Rik said. "Just making sure everythings going well!"
"They are" Shadow said.
"Just remember to name your teams too!" Rik said.
"Oh yeah. Wasn't Shido's team like Cape Horn or something?" MUDD said.
"What should we name ours?" I asked.
"Family." Hyper said.
"Family?" Me and MUDD said.
"Yes. Family." Hyper said.
"Works for me." Shadowdragon said.
"Yeah, let's go with that." I said.
Althought secretly I thought the name was stupid.
--
Meanwhile as my first person disapears.
Down in an old abandonned warehouse...
An assassin walked into a room.
"You are here..." A man said.
"Yes." He said.
"Good..good..." The man said. "Now, you may not know this but I have decided that each of our assassins should work as partners."
"And I am with you, master?" Jamez said.
"No Jamez." The man said. "You are with one of our rookies."
"What??" Jamez said. "But-"
"Jamez, it is up to you to train him. I am counting on you." The man said.
"...yes, master." Jamez said.
But on the inside Jamez was furious. He had done everything his master had told him to do, and now he was with a rook?
"Who is the rook?" Jamez asked.
"He is young. 18 years old. Some training in combat but not much." The man said. "His name is Sunnycide."
"Well by the sound of that name he must be very handsome too." Jamez said.
"Yes, he is." The man said. "I masturbated to him."
"Here I am, sir!" Sunnycide said.
"Sunny, this is Jamez, you're partner and trainer." The man said.
"Pleasure to meet you sir!" Sunny said.
He put out his hand for Jamez to shake it.
Jamez shook his hand. Then Jamez blew up and flew out of the warehouse.
"Oops..." Sunny said. "I forgot to turn my hand-bombs off. Sorry sir!"
"God....dammit...." Jamez said.
When Jamez got back to the room, the man told them their first mission.
"I am ready for any mission, sir!" Sunny said.
"...Right." The man said. "First, I want you two to kidnap this man."
The man held a picture of the man up at Jamez.
"....him??" Jamez said.
"Yes. It is your job to capture the best assassin in history." The man said. "Chopstix Zenku."